Seeing red!

Last week we talked about how love is a choice.  Did you know that anger is also a choice? Of course, it is!  All of our emotions are a choice.

Early in our marriage, my husband would upset me and I would get angry.  I would say to him, “you are making me angry” and he would respond, “no, you are choosing to be angry.”  In my anger, I would turn to him and tell him how I had no choice and it was his fault for making me angry or something along those lines.  Its hard to know exactly what you said when you are seeing red! I think deep down that I understood that my anger was a choice and that no matter what happened to me or around me, that I could choose my response. It has taken some time and self-reflection to understand this and make it a part of my life.

Elder Robbins attributes the idea of anger being disassociated from agency due to Satan’s strategies, he says, “[this strategy makes] us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control. We hear, ‘I lost my temper.’ Losing one’s temper is an interesting choice of words that has become a widely used idiom. To ‘lose something’ implies ‘not meaning to,’ ‘accidental,’ ‘involuntary,’ ‘not responsible’—careless perhaps but ‘not responsible.’ ‘He made me mad.’ This is another phrase we hear, also implying lack of control or agency. This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!” 

Have you ever been cut off while driving down the road? Who hasn’t! Do you find yourself yelling at the car in front of you and wishing them bad karma? Maybe they are in a hurry or they have been waiting for a break in the road for a while. Who knows what there reason was, it does not matter but our response does.  It matters to our soul and it matters to our marriages. Having anger towards our spouse will cause negative emotions to perpetuate and cause problems that may be detrimental to our marriage and our eternal progression.  It is important to choose not to be angry.  Elder Robbins goes on to give us a challenge regarding anger and our agency.  He says, “Understanding the connection between agency and anger is the first step in eliminating it from our lives. We can choose not to become angry. And we can make that choice today, right now: ‘I will never become angry again.’ Ponder this resolution.”

This is my resolution.  I know that it will be hard but it will be worth it.  I just have to remember that the anger that I feel is my choice and how I respond matters.

References: Elder L.G. Robbins, "Agency and anger," Ensign, May 1998, 80.