Contract vs. Covenant

A marriage is a marriage, right? You get up in front of a preacher, a judge or a civil servant and pledge “I do” to your future spouse. You apply for and sign a marriage license saying that you will be this person’s spouse. You contracted with your spouse to be married to them.  What if I told you that marriage is not just a contract, but also a covenant? A covenant is an agreement between God and the other parties involved. Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, “Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will….Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.” How do we treat our own marriages?  Do we covenant with our spouse and God or do we only give 50 percent and are ready to bail at the first sign of discontent?

Marriage is hard work.  Elder Hafen uses a parable of the hireling and the good shepherd that Jesus spoke of and compares it to how we can view marriage.  A contract marriage like the hireling that Jesus describes in John 10:12-15.  The hireling will leave the sheep when the wolves come.  The hireling is not willing to sacrifice for the sheep and has no vested interest in their well-being. On the other hand, the good shepherd will lay down his life for his sheep. We have many wolves in our lives and these can bring challenges that can affect our marriage if we let them.

In order to be like the good shepherd and not run away at the wolves, I have to remember the covenant that I made.  I need to be better about thinking of this covenant and putting God into our lives, when we have God at the center, we tend handle things much better.  The things we need to do are simple answers but tend to take a backseat to the busyness of life. We need to pray and study the scriptures together, go to the temple together, we need to have regular date nights and put each other first (even over the kids!). When we have family counsels to discuss matters rather than just talking about them and when we address our issues in a positive manner and look to the Lord for assistance life is calmer.  If we are individually doing all of these things ourselves and a have a strong relationship with the Lord.

What do I need to do now, right now, to make my marriage a covenant one?  I need to pray. I need to read my scriptures. I need to invite my husband to pray and read with me. I need to go to the temple. I need to plan date nights and make them happen every Saturday night, even when it is hard. I need to get up when my husband comes in the door and greet him with a smile (even when its hard). I need to be more positive and look for the blessings in my daily life.  There are a lot of things to do but my marriage is important to me and I want to treat it as the covenant that it is, so these changes will make a big difference in how I see it.